Last Sunday we were at lunch with a group of singles, married couples, and widows. Some Catholic, others exploring Christianity for the first time. Some married within the (Catholic) faith, others outside it. Given the presence of a bachelor in our company, the discussion soon turned to marriage; in particular, whether it was alright to marry outside the (Catholic) faith. The consensus was that faith didn’t quite matter, so long as the partners were “intellectually compatible”, had “shared interests”, “were forgiving”, “never letting the sun go down on their anger”, “never forcing their faith on the other”, etc. On the face of it, the well-meaning advice, arising from pragmatic, lived experiences, couldn’t be faulted. Nevertheless, as an answer, it seemed wanting.
From the Beginning
In Gen 2:7 God creates man “out of the dust of the ground”. Later in Gen 2:18, God observes an “imperfection” in his creation, “It is not good for the man to be alone”. To address this, he creates woman. Finally in Gen 2:24 and Mark 10:7-8 we read, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body”. The anthropomorphic attribution (Obviously, nothing God creates is imperfect) in the narration that juxtaposes an imperfect condition (not good for Man to be alone) with its perfect solution (man clings to his wife and they become one) serves a larger point.
The two become one, not merely to address Man’s loneliness, or to give him an intellectually compatible partner, or to share common interests, or to partner in worldly concerns. Rather this perfect solution is a fundamental building block towards a Holy telos (end) that is the ultimate establishment of God’s Kingdom. The narration highlights the imperfect condition as a tale of caution. When left to its entropic devices it works vigorously against that Holy telos. An entropy powered by self-absorption, self-focus, and a seeking of happiness in and through oneself. Hence, God observes that it is not good for the man to be alone. St. Paul provides the paradigmatic example of its opposite in the kenotic self-sacrifice of Christ for his bride (Eph 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her”).
The Journey to the Telos
We now more fully address the question that was posed earlier. Each partner may profess the Catholic faith. This neither guarantees happiness nor success in marriage. What is necessary is the realization that in the mind of God the two who become one are foreordained to play a unique and vocational role in the building of His Kingdom. Rather than being overwhelmed by this, each should find comfort in the knowledge that it is the Lord Himself who “brought her to the man” (Gen 2:22). This knowledge ought to dissipate the anxieties of finding “the perfect partner”. It is not we who find the perfect partner. Rather it is God who brings us the perfect partner.
Next, the two who become one ought to be emboldened by what Jesus said, “Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate” (Mark 10:9). This is not mere canonical jurisprudence, but a divine seal of sacramentality, inducting holiness to this union.
The final piece of the answer is an attitude of kenotic self-giving, of each partner to the other. Just as Christ loved the Church and handed himself over to her. Thus, any other answer limited by pragmatic worldliness or mere lived experiences is found wanting. It is no longer a question of whether it is alright to marry outside the faith or whether each one possesses a Catholic pedigree. It becomes a question of whether the two who are to become one grasp their individual roles in the Holy union & their role in the journey to that Holy telos, which is the establishment of God’s Kingdom. Amen.
Again, fabulous. Let’s zoom again in the next few weeks. Let me know of your availability. God Bless