It can feel at times that we live in a tyrannical kingdom. But, if I am to be honest with myself, I also encounter in more sobering moments, a fleeting epiphany, that the ruler and sole inhabitants of that kingdom are I, me, and myself. It reminds me of the image, from Dante’s inferno, of a brooding, self-focused Satan, in the center of the ninth circle of hell, stuck mid-breast in ice. The hapless creature is flapping his giant wings, unable to free himself from his self-induced misery. One that he, since the dawn of man, has tried to export out of his kingdom and into our lives.
Likewise, I do find myself “exporting” my self-induced tyranny into the lives of those around me. Particularly the ones I am supposed to love. As I choose to exercise my dominion, I receive in kind, the “tyranny” of the other. Bewailing the “injustice”, I then choose to exercise Lordship over other “neighboring kingdoms”. Left unchecked, it spreads. This trading of tyranny, in a vicious spiraling tornado of self-destruction, pushing me deeper into myself, and destroying everyone else in my path.
Silver linings and Dark clouds …
At one of my recent confessions, as usual, I tried the usual couching of my follies and foibles in a forage of “Oh, poor me” fig leaves. Yes, I know better than to do this. The irony isn’t lost on me. I am trying to rationalize my actions for self-condonation, usurping the role of my confessor and my Lord, while I am right there in the midst of the sacrament. But, this time, he was having none of it. At first his advice seemed rather bland and prosaic. That I must love in all circumstances, no matter how difficult. That Christ died on the cross for me and how much more was that suffering in comparison. I was sensing the rebellion rising up in me. But then he said something.
And I paraphrase. He said, in the heated moments of a strenuous relationship, no matter how difficult, no matter how unjust it may seem, find something good about the other and focus only on that. Try and ignore every unkind word, every token of perceived injustice and concentrate on what is good in the other. Next, focus on the kernel of truth in what’s being said about you. This may be an opportunity to realize a truth about yourself. No matter how painful, take that truth. Take the silver lining. Leave the dark clouds for God. I agree that hearing is one thing, realizing another, and implementing it, the hardest of it all.
Regime Change
St. Paul says in Rom 13:8, “Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another”. Most of the time, I read this as “Each owes love to another”, which is of course true, but not quite the point. Or worse, I read this as, “where is the love that I am owed. Let me go and get it”. Thus, begins the export and import, the trading in that currency of tyranny, in an economy of self-destruction, a hard tyranny of raised expectations. There is exactly one solution to break out of this.
St. Paul’s and my confessor’s directive is for what I must do, to strictly focus on the love I owe. The silver lining is the opportunity to love. What I perceive as dark clouds, is really the mercy and grace of God. There can be no silver lining, unless there is a dark cloud. This is regime change. This is the only “out” from the tyrannical regimes and kingdoms we create for ourselves. As with all other regime changes, it requires a change of ruler. This is St. Paul’s rhetorical question in Rom 7:24, “Miserable one that I am! Who will deliver me from this mortal body?”. Time and again, I am given the opportunity to let the true King into the sovereign nation of I, me and myself. Amen.
Thank you, Zachary! With the feast of Christ the King approaching soon, may His Kingdom Reign in our hearts. Beautifully expressed.
Thank you so much for throwing light on “the silver lining.” Remain blessed.
This is great! Thank you.