Paul speaks: What have you asked of me Lord?
I spent my early years in work and study, in order to be certain, in order to be secure and sufficient to myself. I wanted to be a teacher, keeping my people on the straight path, never deviating from the Law of my God. Whatever evils surrounded us, Your law remained before our eyes.
When I heard, what seemed to be, the worst blasphemy, my spirit rose up in fury against these followers of Jesus. I was set on purging this sin from the heart of my people. I went out against the followers of the Way with the zeal of Elijah and handed the perpetrators over, willing them to face the fate of the prophets of Baal. And, I sang like Deborah ‘So perish all your enemies, O Lord!’
These were gentle people, however, they were men and women of peace who blessed me when I condemned them, forgave me as I persecuted them. One night as I was in prayer it seemed to me that a little light appeared and flickered before my eyes. The next day I was to be thrown to the floor when that light flooded my very soul, so bright that I was unable to see anything until a follower of Jesus came to heal me.
That was your light my Lord Jesus. I saw you as your own disciples saw you and I heard your voice as clearly as those who walked with you. In all the years since then I have worked to do what you called me to do – to go out to the whole world and proclaim that you Lord Jesus are the Son of God, the expected Messiah. I told them about your death and resurrection and told them that you live. I told them how you long to save us, to give us eternal life if we will turn to you, if we will accept you as our Lord.
Have I done what you called me to do?
I have not ceased. The little light has blazed out across the world, and I see the dawn rising before me. And yet here I am, a man who is broken, in chains, deserted by his friends and awaiting death.
What have you given me Lord?
You have taken away my friends, you have given me pain, struggle, loss, imprisonment, and hardship. And not one moment in all that has happened since the light shone on the road, do I resent any of that. You have given me your light, your love, your Holy Spirit. You have given me a mission which I have run to complete. There is joy in every moment because you have been with me through everything. Better to hang with You upon the cross than live without you. Whether I am alive or dead, I live in You. You have given me life, life lived in you.
You gave your life for me Lord and now I offer mine back to you. I run to the finish of this race, longing for the arms I know will lift me up as I reach the end while trusting that you Lord will provide those who come after me with sufficient strength to keep on sharing the good news of Jesus Christ.
So, now I pick up my pen again and call on Timothy to hold firm, to keep on teaching the true faith. Just as you have stood by me, filling me with joy whatever happened, giving me your Spirit, enabling me to share your good news and bring others to you, so you will give courage to Timothy. And you will give your Spirit, your strength, and your joy to all those who follow him.
