It is dark now and I limp slowly home, tears stinging my eyes.
I will share my grief with the one who shares my home, my orphan sister.
Oh, my sister, what have I done?
Dear little sister, listen while I tell you this story…
My heart aches and my body is torn in grief and yearning.
Our father endowed us with such precious things, textiles, precious metals, gems and linens.
I come back to our home and sit with you in the shade beneath the vine.
I drink wine from a gilded cup.
The wine tastes as sweet as honey in my mouth, but after I drink it, my stomach turns sour.
All my wealth has turned to dust and ashes and now
I am ‘a dry weary land without water.’
Listen my sister, I am distraught.
I found Him, little sister.
I found the One I longed for,
I found Him and I lost Him – oh why did I hesitate, why did I turn away?
Crowds
The crowds surrounded Him as he taught but when the mothers brought their infants and young children, He made a place for them beside Him and blessed them.
Oh Rachel, He was like the dawn light!
At last, I had my time to speak with Him.
What could I ask?
I should have said ‘I love you’ but I said
“Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?”
He answered “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments … “You shall not murder; You shall not commit adultery; You shall not steal; You shall not bear false witness; Honor your father and mother; also, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
Oh, I could love all my neighbors in the light of His gaze!
You know me, my sister.
Have I ever failed to keep any of those commandments?
He knew all the love which blossomed in my heart,
He gazed at me, and His love drew me deep into His gaze.
His eyes said,
“Arise, my love, my fair one and come away.”
A Heart Divided
But he knew my heart was divided, He brought me to the edge, and I drew back.
Oh Rachel, how can I live after turning away from Him?
He is the one my soul loves and I have rejected him for my many possessions.
I cannot live.
Oh, my sister – I can no longer live!
Taking off her veil she wipes my tears, then, holding my face in her hands she pauses for a moment as her eyes gaze out into the distance.
She whispers out of the long ago, and in the darkness a bird sings.
“I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had turned and was gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke,
I sought him, but did not find him,
I called him, but he gave no answers.
If you find my beloved, tell him this.
I am faint with love.”
She lays her hand on my shoulder,
‘Arise my brother,’ she says, rise now and “go about the city, in the streets and in the squares.” Do not cease from seeking the One your soul loves, the One who sought you in the mountains, through the wilderness and in the city. Put on your sandals again, because such a Lover will not relinquish his quarry. He has bound you with one glance of his eyes, he will not loose you, brother of mine. Remember to come back for me too, my brother, when He takes you to His banqueting hall at last.’
Amen my sister, let it be, let it be!
This is beautiful – thank you!
So beautiful. I love how you’ve woven in the Song of Songs. How promising, too, to think that even when we turn away the first time, He is still there waiting for us. Thank you for this.