‘Follow me’
He only spoke two words to me. He had never cursed me, as others did, when he saw me sitting at the tax collector’s booth. And he had passed me there often, without a word. I had seen him walking by with his disciples. I knew I was not even worthy of his glance. And I did not expect him to look at me, after all, the men who came to my tax booth could hardly bear to look at me. Good men turned their eyes away from my face, shielding their eyes from the sight of me, as from something unclean.
The Stain
Everyone knew my name and my shameful occupation. The Rabbi knew my name. He knew that the only people who came to eat at my house were other tax collectors and other people soiled by sin: such as infirm people, and those who were forever damaged and degraded in their neighbor’s eyes. To enter my house was to be marked by a stain that would not be cleansed.
It seemed to me that there would be no return to living in my community. No one would forget my sin, which was the worst sin, because I had betrayed my own people, for nothing more than money. They did not know how easily a young man may fall into the hands of the evil one, for the sake of a coin. That coin had lost all luster long ago and sometimes I woke weeping in the night because there was no way back to my home and my people. I had no kin and the only guests at my table were those other tax collectors and sinners.
The Rabbi was a righteous man and, although a righteous man could not look at me, I could look at him, and I did so, every time he passed by. In time I found I longed for him to look at me. Just a glance, I thought, even a moment in his gaze would bring enough light to restore the health of my soul. Turn Lord, turn and see me!
‘Let me see your face, let me hear your voice.’
Encounter
And then at last, when my longing to have him just look at me, had taken up my thoughts, making me sicken and fade, with no pleasure in my food and drink, and no rest, because ‘I slept, but my heart was awake,’ one day while at my task, I saw him walk towards me.
His disciples hung back as he approached the booth, they looked awkward and then appalled as he came closer. He looked in and gazed into my eyes:
‘Look, there he stands behind our wall, gazing in at the windows, looking through the lattice.’
‘Follow me.’ He said.
‘My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away;11 for now the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.”’
Response
I got up and followed him.
That day he came to my house with his disciples. ‘He brought me to the banqueting house.’ The light shone back from the walls and each dish and cup sparkled, clear and clean. I did not care what the disapproving people said, ‘With great delight I sat in his shadow,’ and ‘his fruit was sweet to my taste.’
Nourished and restored in his presence I vowed I would always follow Jesus.
