It was not until I was forced to read aloud the account of the Fall to my class of first reconciliation students that I realized the Father’s sorrow. He calls for Adam and Eve, “Where are you?” (Gen 3:9) With His broken heart He asks, “What is this you have done?” (Gen 3:13). Sometimes when we practice mental prayer in silence, we take the subtleties of vocal intonations for granted.
“What Have You Done?”
This same matter of tone comes up today in both scripture passages. In the first, “Where is your brother Abel?” (Gen 4:9) and “What have you done!” (Gen 4:10). Is God angry? Shouting? Do I hear Him as a punishing, abusive accuser? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!! Do I hear Him as an exasperated, tired caretaker? Aw, gee, what have you done now? Or do I hear Him as a surprised, misunderstood, grief-stricken Father whose children continue to assume He will under-deliver? My son, my daughter, what have you done?
How we see God, or rather, how we hear God, reveals so much about Who we believe Him to be. If I hear Him as the cruel taskmaster, it is likely there’s a part of my wounded heart that believes He is one. If I hear Him as the flippant custodian, I have probably allowed that lie to settle into my way of thinking about Him.
The Sigh
In the Gospel we hear, “He sighed from the depths of His spirit…” (Mark 8:12). Oh Sacred Heart of Jesus, what is the tone of Your sigh? Is it one of exasperated frustration? Really? Another sign? The Father and the Holy Spirit visibly and audibly claimed Me at My baptism. I have already healed Peter’s mother-in-law, calmed a stormy sea, healed the woman with the hemorrhage, healed Jairus ’daughter, fed a group of five thousand, fed a group of four thousand, etc. AND even appealed to your reason with the whole ‘can Satan drive out Satan ’argument. And you are asking for another sign? Really? (One eyebrow arched). UGHHHHH! No, I do not believe these were the thoughts and feelings coming from the Heart of our Jesus, patient and most merciful.
Is it a tone of downcast despair? They will never get it. All my signs are for naught. I came to save them, but it is hopeless. Huuuuuuuh. No. I do not think that is our Lord either.
Our Lord’s sigh here is an aching groan of His Heart. He still remembers and sees the Pharisees as the beautiful little children He created. And, He wants their good. He wants them to flourish. In fact, He is ready to give everything for them. He knows exactly what their hearts are longing for, He has given it to them, and they continue to reject it, like little babies spitting out their baby food. But this is what you want, this is what you need. I love you. Please, please receive it. Deep breath. Sigh.
To Know Better is to Love Better
Again, we can examine the tone in which we hear our Lord breathe to challenge some of the things we may unknowingly believe about Him. However, this is not just a matter of faith. What we believe and what we know, informs our ability to love. I can obey a cruel taskmaster, but can I love one? Probably not. And why would I bother to love a god who seems to be tired of me? Who will just give up on me? I would not. But a Father who sees me in all my brokenness and still has compassion, pity, mercy? Now my heart is intrigued.
Let us be ever more attentive to the subtleties of our Lord’s voice in prayer, that we may know Him more truly and fall ever more in love with just how good He is.
I really loved this. I admire how you invite us into coming closer to the Person of Christ…being able to imagine His tone, how He looks at us, and thus abide in His Heart. Loved your last line–“let us be attentive to the subtleties of our Lord’s voice in prayer.” I look forward to reading more of your pieces!
God be praised!! Thank you so much. If only one word can help one soul, it’s worth it 🙂
“Oh my people…”