Whenever I read today’s Gospel passage, two things happen. First, I imagine the scene from Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ where the beautiful Jesus is atop the Mount of the Beatitudes wagging his finger with a kind, fatherly look in His eyes, “But I say to you: Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you,” (Matthew 5:44). And then the scene abruptly shifts to the soldiers throwing the bloody, battered flesh our Lord has become down on His cross to begin nailing Him to it.
The Enemy
Then, I think, maybe a little too content with myself, “Lord, I don’t think I have any enemies.” I do not have a Captain Hook to my Peter Pan, a Saruman to my Gandalf, or a May to my Junie B. Jones. There is nobody who would nail me to a cross, and nobody I want nailed. I get along with pretty much everyone I encounter. I do not stir the pot or cause drama. And, I do not think I am alone in feeling this way. Most mature people who live in relatively safe environments do not have a designated ‘enemy.’ So, who are You telling me to love, Lord?
Oh… you mean that acquaintance of mine who just announced her fourth pregnancy when I have not had even one to bring into the world yet? Do you mean my cousin, for whom life always seems to work out despite her mistakes? Or do you mean my friend who has the exact same obsessive compulsions that I had years back, but I just cannot seem to give her any grace for? Do you mean that guy at work who won’t take a hint that I’m trying to get some work done and just keeps blabbing? Ah, yes… Anyone coming to mind yet? Those people.
We would not initially consider the people we are jealous of, the people who get in our way, the people we seem to lose our patience with most, or even the people who we see the worst of ourselves in, to be our enemies. Often, these are people we tell ourselves we love, and deep down, we really do love. We want their good, but we do not always act like we love them, and we certainly do not always entertain thoughts like we love them.
The Remedy
I propose there are multiple remedies to this lack of charity that our Lord commands we have. Some are better suited to different situations, but I think each can still be applied to all. The first is generosity. Oftentimes we do not actively want these immediate feelings that rise up in us towards people we are jealous of. They come and we do not know what to do with them. We recognize them, we renounce them, and… they keep on coming. One of the best things I have found that helps to heal a jealous heart is generosity. Give, even beyond your means as the first reading encourages us (2 Corinthians 8:3).
So, your sister got that job you do not think she deserves? Offer to take her out to lunch and celebrate with her. So that person just obnoxiously bragged to you again about how awesome their kids are? Share with someone else one of that person’s greatest qualities. Take St. Ignatius’ twelfth rule of the Discernment of Spirits to heart and do the thing diametrically opposed to what the temptation is suggesting you do, which is give and build up instead of take and destroy. One would be surprised how powerful this tactic is.
Patience
The second remedy I propose is patience. Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in our own to-dos we forget the most important to-do, the only to-do that will matter to us and to our Lord on the day of our judgment: to love. So, you wanted to go to the dinner party and talk with your friends, but there is this awkward person in the corner who clearly needs some attention. “If you greet your brothers only, what is unusual about that?” (Matthew 5:47). Go talk and listen to that person who needs to be seen, known, and loved in this social situation. Your friends can wait. Or your brother decided to go out clubbing this weekend again. *Angry glare* Didn’t you used to do very similar things like 7 years ago? Slow down, take a deep breath, and be his brother, not his spiritual director.
Prayer
Of course, there is the remedy our Lord himself suggests in this passage: prayer. However, I would not recommend just adding this person/people to your daily prayer list, though that is a start. St. Ignatius, in his sixth rule for the Discernment of Spirits suggests that, when we are in desolation, we take our resolutions up a notch, insisting even more on prayer, meditation, or whatever penance. This can be applied not just in desolation in our prayer lives, but desolation in relationships.
So, I would say, if you are really struggling with a particular person, go the extra mile. Instead of complaining about them to your husband for the rest of the week, pray something out of the ordinary for them. Offer a mass intention, specifically for them. Pray a holy hour in the presence of our Eucharistic Lord, just for them. Fast for them. Make it hurt! You would be surprised how one act of love can melt away weeks, months, years of animosity and strife, let alone mere annoyance.
