Faith and doubt go hand in hand, seemingly. We see this in Scripture, in books, in the world around us, and most decidedly inside our inmost being. “They worshipped Him but they doubted.” Not surprising. For we are fallen creatures, our world is turned upside down. Our intellects darkened, we grope around in darkness, stumbling and grasping at straws. On the contrary, we pretend like we’ve got it all together, Mr/Mrs/Master/Miss Know-it-all.
Yet, glimmers of our past glory remain and we have a profound sense of right and wrong. Our barometers, though, are calibrated by our own knowledge and experience and will be faulty, guaranteed. We need to turn to Truth and constantly examine our motives, intentions and sensibilities. What is lurking beneath the surface of our motives? God or the alternative?
Teacher, We Wish a Sign From You
Sometimes, we question our Gospel fall guys: how could they ask for signs? Can’t they see what He’s doing? But we’d be sorely missing the point. The Gospel is a two-edged sword, sharp and cutting to the marrow, and we need to bring it to bear on ourselves firstly and only. This doesn’t apply to Mr. Roadhog or Mrs. Gossipper, this applies to Me, Myself, and I…Period.
Take this business of asking for signs. Haven’t I done this on a recurring, daily basis? Maybe I’m not in the habit of asking for the Sun to go back 10 paces. Nevertheless, it is part of my human condition to have doubts, to demand proofs, to question the Divine Goodness of God, to have periods of dryness and to experience an absence of His grace in my life. We are ingrates, we will always complain about trivialities instead of the gazillion daily graces that are our daily stead.
Repent and Believe
Time has one great immutable quality: it runs out! One day, we will not even be a memory on this Earth, we will be utterly forgotten by all except the One who made us. Let’s recall His first words to us: Repent and Believe. Not just Believe, but firstly, Repent. Then and only then comes Faith. The circle goes on: Faith, Doubt, Repent.
Through the Church, we have a rich treasury of tools that help with repentance. We are all sinners, every one of us and the Church treats us oh so tenderly. Pope Francis called the church a “field hospital after battle, whose purpose is to treat wounds”. That’s what we all are: wounded and in need of being bandaged by Christ’s loving gaze. Some of us are the patients, others are His hands and feet. And the roles are reversible!
Something Greater Here
We all have greatness within our grasp. Not from a worldly perspective, but from His. We are beloved sons and daughters of God, because of Christ. We have vestiges of nobility within us because of Christ. He came so that the world could turn right side up again. He came to restore fallen man back to the greatest of heights, the place we are meant to inhabit. We know all this intuitively and that’s the reason we are outraged to hear of ANY injustice in the world and we are saddened to hear of ANY deaths in the world. None of this is natural and we want things to be perfectly whole, intrinsically good, beautiful to the core and steadfastly true.
I usually like to end my reflection with one small resolution, directed as much to myself as to you. Find time to drop into a church, preferably unpeopled, and ask Him to reveal our blind spots and areas of selfness. Then pray a sincere act of contrition. Bonus points if you go for confession!
Lord Jesus, I do believe. Help my unbelief! Amen.
Hello D’Souza family,
Thank you so much for the enriching reflection. It reminded me of my unworthiness and the reality of God’s amazing grace in my life.
Sr. Olisa.