Betrayal can begin innocently as a question, a doubt, or a distraction. For Adam and Eve, it began with the question offered by the serpent: Did God really say, “You shall not eat from any of the trees of the Garden?” There the seed of doubt was planted.
Wednesday of Holy Week is often referred to as Spy Wednesday because of today’s Gospel reading. In the account by Matthew, we see Judas asking the chief priests what they will offer if he hands Jesus over to them. From that point on, he becomes a spy, seeking an opportune time to betray the one he has followed over the last few years. He goes undercover, perhaps hiding in the dark shadow of the night. The stage is set, and soon the painful hours of the passion and death of our Lord will begin to unfold in the Garden of Gethsemane.
However, Judas’s betrayal of Jesus began before the Garden, and even before the covert meeting with the chief priests to discuss the thirty pieces of silver. Betrayal does not happen in an instant; rather, it develops slowly over time. By outward appearances, Judas had been a faithful apostle for a few years. What changed?
Questions, Doubts, & Distractions
Judas, like all of us, must have also had his questions, doubts, and distractions. They are a part of life – whether mundane in nature, such as a dryness in daily prayer, or a heavy doubt that pierces the soul when facing deep suffering. Typically, this is when the WHY questions rise to the surface of the heart.
While there is nothing intrinsically evil about these common experiences of uncertainty, they are not to be ignored. Do not treat them as annoyances. We must see them for what they truly are – golden, precious opportunities to an ever-deepening trust in God.
There is one powerful word that has helped me in these moments. One word, which is a disposition of the heart, and a way of navigating through these situations: Fiat!
Back to the Garden
If only Eve had known the power of the Fiat in the Garden of Eden. If only she had understood that trust is not compromised due to a lack of understanding when God is involved!
Our Blessed Mother could not have understood the totality of what was asked of her at the Annunciation, but her response was Fiat – Let it be done to me as He wills! This surrender was a disposition of her heart which allowed her to respond in faith when she and Joseph fled with their child to Egypt for fear of death. It was the response of her heart throughout the key moments of her life leading right up to Jesus’s crucifixion.
This very Fiat was also prayed earnestly by Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane perhaps just minutes before Judas’s betrayal: Not my will but yours be done. If we truly believe that God is all good, then even suffering becomes a channel of holiness, peace, and even joy.
Garden Moments
Over the course of our lives, we will have many “garden moments.” Moments where we may have a deep sense of our lack of understanding. It is in these moments that the grace and power of the Fiat, that deep confidence of God’s intimate and faithful love, will allow us to dive into deep surrender. Let us not miss or avoid these moments. Try praying that one word – Fiat – from the depths of your heart. The garden is the place of victory!
