Supper: before the Feast of the Passover, that night was unlike any other. I look back to the time as if it took place in another lifetime. It was the beginning of a time of such intensity that it burned into my memory forever. We celebrated the Passover together, following Our Lord’s instruction, as a new Passover, a Covenant of love which we would re-enter many times later.
‘I …, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet,’
At this meal, Jesus held us in suspense as he performed each action as a new work of God and His people. Lover and beloved. He tied a towel around his waist, knelt before each one of us and washed our feet. I feel that touch now as I recall the time, and see his hand tenderly cradling my foot in the gesture only a mother might make. Perhaps it was because I was by far the youngest in our band, or because my grief was too much to bear, I do not know why I presumed to come so close but as we reclined at the table afterward I let my head fall onto His breast. The words of a psalm passed through my mind.
‘… at Jesus’ side,’
‘My heart is not proud, Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.’[1]
Like the weaned child on a mother’s breast I felt my grief subside.
Jesus prays
Every word of Jesus’ prayer that night has stayed with me.
He prayed for us to His Father and then the prayer continued, moving on far beyond us, he prayed
‘not only for these, for those who will believe in me through their word, they may all be one,’
‘ … those who will believe in me through their word,’
And then a vision formed behind my eyes.
I saw people, men, women, children in procession and they came from all parts of the world and all ages, stretching through years to come, and as he prayed for these I also prayed for them. I saw my words, which were His words, passing through that line, and I saw their faith light up. His prayer flowed on and spread across the world. It was as though the divine light that shone through the Lord ignited my heart with the same love for His people that He had, making my heart ache with a longing to gather them all to Him.
‘I know you, and these know that you have sent me.’
I closed my eyes, feeling the beat of that divine heart, heart of Jesus and of the Father. For a little while I was taken into a union with God, in the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, the promised Helper, who Jesus was to breathe upon us.
His prayer continued,
‘Father, even though the world does not know you, I know you
What does it matter if the world fails to understand? He has given us … the Father and the Son.
‘…the love with which you have loved me may be in them’
We grow closer. I lay close to my Lord at that time. Now, although He has returned to the Father, I am even closer to Him and He is within me. The Lord lives within me and I have His love and His wisdom to pour out.
[1] Psalm 131:1-2.
