Fear Paralyzes
Talking about my health can paralyze a conversation. The reality that I have an incurable disease brings the reality of death to the forefront. Death is literally looking you in the face. I’ve experienced moments of awkward silence as well as deep conversations about life, death, heaven, hell, and fear. Based on those experiences, I have seen fear paralyze. I have at times been a bit paralyzed in fear or sadness, but I have also had the opportunity to face fear.
Facing Fear
In today’s Gospel, Jesus doesn’t hesitate to bring up an awkward conversation. He refers to his future death, and that awkward silence is what greets him: “…and they were afraid to ask him about this saying.” Facing a fear is difficult and requires courage. It also requires a lot of humility and realism. To face a fear, you first need to admit (to yourself and others) that you are afraid. Then you need to evaluate if you have the strength to face the fear. Sometimes, you choose to run away. This can be a good or bad thing, depending on what you do while you are away. To run away is to face your fear another day, so if you decide to run, don’t pretend the fear is gone. It’s not. While you are away from your fear, prepare to face it. Only then can you hope to one day be rid of your fear.
Freedom from Fear
In my experience, I have found that facing the ultimate fear of death, while scary and sad at times, has actually given me a lot of freedom. I’ve never met anyone who is eternal on this earth, only God, and He invites me to eternity with him. My job is to keep making an act of trust that He will bring about His will, as long as I am offering what I have to Him. That offering is sometimes the things I do or accomplish, other times, it is the things I can’t do or accomplish, but always it is all of me offered to Him, with the hope that He will do great things in me and through me, and that He wants me with Him in eternity. “Do not be afraid any longer, little flock, for your Father is pleased to give you the kingdom.” (Lk. 12:32) Perhaps I am still sometimes afraid, but I have the courage to face my fears with him, trusting in his love and mercy, and his desire that I will be with him in eternity.
Thank you, Nicole, for this beautiful and important reflection. Fear happens in so many ways today and can paralyze all of us. You wonderfully articulate the best way to deal with it!
Thank you very much, Nicole. Grappling with my fears is not something I do often enough, and your insights provide great pointers on how to come to terms with and work in, through and beyond our fears, striving to keep our gaze firmly fixed on God despite the crushing reality of the present that threatens to overpower us. Truly, we are made for eternity and our hearts are restless, as the good St. Augustine says, we rest in Him. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you and sustain you. Thank you very much for the gift of your vocation and your credible witness to the world to live our lives in light of Eternity.