I Know Who You Are

Peter speaks:

The events of those days crashed over us with a breathtaking power and speed. From the moment we walked away from our former lives we were caught up in the wake of the Teacher. Before dawn He would be missing. Then He would return to us, with the daylight lighting up His face, and another long day would begin. All through those days a stream of people followed him, calling out, crying to Him to heal, to save, to teach them.

Healing

I watched Him, followed Him, worked with Him, I was caught up in the drama of the healings as I saw eyes opened, limbs restored, and demons driven from tormented men. I also knew within my heart the deeper healings that went on within the men, women and children who adored Him and who came to life as they listened to His stories and His teaching.

We waited for the precious time when He took us aside to teach our little group. I cherished those moments and the messages that He gave to us, so that we grew daily, imperceptibly closer to Him. I caught His joy and I loved and trusted Him in those moments. Nevertheless, in times when He was not close, my fears would creep back and sometimes I would weep in the dark, for a life I used to have, and in a dread of the dangerous waters we could be drifting into.

At times, the crowd was so impossible to hold back that we took Jesus out on the water, to teach them from the boat. After one long day of teaching, when evening came, He called us to leave the people and sail across the lake. “Let us go over to the other side.”

We were all tired by then and as we moved across the still water our Teacher lay down and fell to sleep as His head touched the cushion. The light was fading, and I saw a star overhead as I also seemed to fall into sleep myself.

Dreams

Then, in an instant, horror broke into my mind and dark images swam before me. The crowds were hostile in my dream, the women and children were gone, and evil men had the Teacher in their grasp. Something formless held me and I could not move. I prayed from the psalms ‘Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck,’ as I struggled to come out of the nightmare.

Waters! The waves were crashing over the boat. I called out to my brothers as we worked to hold her in the midst of a furious storm. A monster raged beneath us, and we were sinking. We lived and worked on that sea. We knew all her moods. How could we let a storm overtake us? Our precious passenger was about to go down under the water with a band of hapless sailors and no one could help us.

At that point I turned towards Jesus.

What I saw was unbelievable. The Master was sleeping like a child on the cushion. We were about to be taken to die in the deep water and He lay sleeping. I shouted through the storm:

“Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”

In an instant He was on His feet, giving a command to the sea!

“Quiet! Be still!”

I cannot explain what I saw, or begin to describe Who I gazed on, as I knelt, clinging to the wood of that little boat. Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

Jesus turned back to us

“Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

In that moment another fear, a holy fear, came over us and I heard my brothers questioning –

“Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”

I know Who You are my Lord!

[Readings: 2 Sm 12:1-7a, 10-17; Mk 4:35-41]

Deborah van Kroonenburg

I am a Secular Carmelite, mother and grandmother, worked in the NHS for many years as a midwife and health visitor, and now work for my UK Diocese, in Marriage and Family Life and Catechesis, as well as helping my husband who is a Deacon in our parish.

3 Comments

  1. Nwanneka on January 29, 2022 at 2:35 pm

    That was a beautiful and inspirational reflection. May God continue to use you in your ministry.

  2. Chinyere on January 29, 2022 at 11:50 am

    Wow, I loved how you connected the reading. Wonderful! Thank you.

  3. Chinyere on January 29, 2022 at 11:48 am

    Wow, I loved you connected the reading. Wonderful! Thank you!

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